Ik ben niet echt dood

Nothing really prepares us for the loss of a parent,

The ones that brought us into this world,
Whether they were in our lives or not,

Even when our parents may not
have been a protector or provider
We often feel vulnerable and alone

Their lost is felt,
With them leaving,
A part of us left this world,
But they also live forth
in us,

When people tell us our smiles
reminds them of our parent,
Or our decision making,
“He would do the same”,
“She would make this dish during this time as well”,

We realize, when we get older…
How much of them is in us &
How much of that we pass on,

How we walk like them,
Talk like them
And even punish & compliment
our children
just like them,

Our parents leaving this world
Is….. their bodies leaving,
They are not gone
And they are certainly not lost

It is still possible to build the relationship
you never had
The ego is gone with the body
So the person comes as pure as they get
Connect with them
And feel what their presence does to you

It is still possible to build
upon the great relationship you have,
It is just another presence,
Learn to feel it,

And you will never feel lonely
Even when you are alone.

They are not gone,

They will be,
If we forget about them


Life house

To be in a house full of Children
Full of life & sadness
To be in a house full of sadness
You will leave us soon & we know

Everytime you cough,
I feel the tension in the room
I hear every breath you take
Maybe because i am so aware that
Each one can be your last

Your children bring much jou to me
They never wonder what to say or do

Eventhough you can’t talk
Can’t walk
Can’t eat &
Can’t speak

They kiss you, feed you, hug you,
Your eyes are enough
for them
To feel their mom is here

Your eyes talk to us grown ups tru this machine,
A machine controlled by your eyes

I miss your voice
The way you speak &
The way you Laughed

Our lovely discussion about
philosophy & life.

Our time is limited
& your kids lives are just starting

I know that’s your deepest pain
Your children
growing up without
their mom

Your soul gives me joy,
Everytime we sit together
All we do is

Can’t even comprehend
how it must be
Not being able to pick up your kids
tell them you love them

I sit here upstairs with tears in my eyes,
Writing cause that’s all I can do

Each time I realize,
The day will come that
your breathing & swollowing muscels
will die
& we will have to say goodbye

Your kids are in good hands,
Their loving dad that loves you &
Loves them,

We love them ,
a whole ‘village’ of woman & children
will support him & the princesses growing up.

I dry my tears now
will go downstairs &
Enjoy dessert

Enjoy all the life & time that’s left
right here &
right now

To be in a house full of Children
Full of life & sadness
Makes me feel alive on every level.